“Hey what sup fella” said Obama. 
“Theres a disaster… Ray Romano… he escaped…” said Roy Romeeno.
“I don’t get whats so bad about Ray romano” said Obama.
“It’s a long story,” Roy Romeeno sighed. “But I might as well start from the beginning.” Obama sat back in his chair and squinted his eyes. “It all started when we were born. There was always a—”
Before Roy Romeeno was able to finish his sentence, Obama rudely interrupted him. 
“One of these days I want to go to a chocolate factory.” Obama said. “Wouldn’t that be swell”. 
Roy Romeeno was confused. “Do you want to know the story behind my psychopathic cannibal twin-step-brother?” He asked. 
Obama then took out 8 white pills from his desk. He popped them all. His pupils instantly dilated to the size of quarters. he began to utter a harmonic melody.
“As a child, I always had this one fantasy
where I was in a chocolate factory
candy bars and chocolate milk surrounding me
hold on just a sec, lemme pop some ecstasy”
Obama then ingested four more small white pills. 
I don’t want to be president of the USA
I want to eat chocolate in a factory all day
i also want to defeat that asshole mitt romney
but i also want to go to a chocolate factory”

All of the FBI members clapped. Roy Romeeno had tears in the corners of his eyes. He began to utter a loud screech.
“Wassup roy romeeno, when did you get here?” asked obama, who was sort of foaming at the mouth. 
Roy Shrugged. “I guess its not that long of a story. My brother always just had a thing for human flesh. And stand up comedy.”
“Oh, okay,” said obama. “Anyways, how are we going to defeat Mitt Romney in this election?”
`All of the men in the room muttered to one another. Then one FBI member raised his hand. 
“Yes,” said Obama. “What is it, Carrie Goldman?”
“You should promise everybody in america pinatas” said Carrie. 
“Carrie,” said Obama, shaking his head. “Carrie, thats the worst fucking Idea I’ve ever heard.”
“sorry s-” started Carrie.
“FUCK YOU!” yelled Obama. “GOD! Carrie, get out.” he snapped. Carrie quickly left the room. 
“I have an idea,” said Pat Laddors, who was an FBI member. 
“Wassup,” asked obama.
“Well,” started Pat. “we need to establish your viewpoints on popular issues such as reform, tax benefits and infrastructure policies.”
“Let me stop you right there,” gobbled Obama. “These are good points, but I think we should include some sort of benefit… something like a mexican toy used at children’s birthday parties… perhaps filled with candy… or chocolate…”
Obama then trailed off, probably thinking about chocolate Factories and hallucinating from the obscene amount of MDMA in his system. He then began to foam at the mouth. A little spout of foam shot up, like a fountain, from the gargling in Obama’s throat. His eyes rolled up to the back of his head and his whole body began to shake violently. His head thrashed and he began to spew foam in all directions, including Roy Romeeno’s direction. Roy opened his mouth so some foam would go in.

ighed. 
“BE QUIET!” he snapped, as he darted his eyes across yet another pixelated image of a cat. 
“Barry, my legs are too fat and my body is too little” she said. He paused, and looked up.
“Yeah, you a fat bitch”
All of a sudden, some FBI people ran in. 
“Heya fellas wassup” Obama grinned.
“We have a vacuum” said the Lead FBI operator, whose name was Roy Romeeno. 
“Oh, cool,” said Obama. “Do you think michelle is fat?”
“Yeah she a fat bitch” said Roy Romeeno.
“Im taking a nappy nap-nap” said Obama, who instantly slammed his face against the Desk and was quickly asleep. The FBI members, including Roy Romeeno looked at michelle, who looked back at the FBI guys, including Roy Romeeno. They shrugged. And then they all left the room. Except for Roy Romeeno. He stayed because he liked looking at Obama when he was asleeping.

Barack Obama sat up. He was in an expansive field in the middle of nowhere. Although it felt like daytime, when he looked up he saw stars and constellations and galaxies. He looked back at the grass and realized it had become a bright pink shade. The more he focused on the pink grass, the more he began to sweat. It was usual perspiration, as his sweat was red and bloodlike. It was blood. He looked back at the stars and was suddenly falling through the expanse of universe. Figures from his past flew by his face, including his grandma and his high school P.E. teacher, who was name Henry Hurkin-Jurkins. They were all wearing clown masks, and they began to morph into large worms. The worms were fatter than any work Obama had seen in his life and they began to evolve into naked mole rats. Millions of Naked Mole Rats surrounded Barack, and he began to scream. He noticed that the faces of the mole rats had been replaced with the face of Roy Romeeno. “

Obama sat up again. Except this time it was real life and not some dream. 
“That was the most bizarre wet dream Ive ever had” He said. He then took 6 tabs of pure MDMA and got ready for work. 
“How did you sleep last night?” asked Roy Romeeno.
“God dammit Roy Romeeno, shut the fuck up you fucking piece of shit you worthless scumbag. Fuck you.” Laughed Obama.