Part One of Epic Story
President Obama sat at his desk. He ran his hands through his greying hair, anxiously considering
how he would defeat Mitt Romney in his re-election campaign.
He opened up his laptop so he could look at pictures of cats. He went to www.picturesofcats.gov and enjoyed pictured of cats for many, many hours. 14 hours later, michelle obama waddled into the oval office.
“Barry, I have a problem” she s
“BE QUIET!” he snapped, as he darted his eyes across yet another pixelated image of a cat.
“Barry, my legs are too fat and my body is too little” she said. He paused, and looked up.
“Yeah, you a fat bitch”
All of a sudden, some FBI people ran in.
“Heya fellas wassup” Obama grinned.
“We have a vacuum” said the Lead FBI operator, whose name was Roy Romeeno.
“Oh, cool,” said Obama. “Do you think michelle is fat?”
“Yeah she a fat bitch” said Roy Romeeno.
“Im taking a nappy nap-nap” said Obama, who instantly slammed his face against the Desk and was quickly asleep. The FBI members, including Roy Romeeno looked at michelle, who looked back at the FBI guys, including Roy Romeeno. They shrugged. And then they all left the room. Except for Roy Romeeno. He stayed because he liked looking at Obama when he was asleeping.
Barack Obama sat up. He was in an expansive field in the middle of nowhere. Although it felt like daytime, when he looked up he saw stars and constellations and galaxies. He looked back at the grass and realized it had become a bright pink shade. The more he focused on the pink grass, the more he began to sweat. It was usual perspiration, as his sweat was red and bloodlike. It was blood. He looked back at the stars and was suddenly falling through the expanse of universe. Figures from his past flew by his face, including his grandma and his high school P.E. teacher, who was name Henry Hurkin-Jurkins. They were all wearing clown masks, and they began to morph into large worms. The worms were fatter than any work Obama had seen in his life and they began to evolve into naked mole rats. Millions of Naked Mole Rats surrounded Barack, and he began to scream. He noticed that the faces of the mole rats had been replaced with the face of Roy Romeeno. “
Obama sat up again. Except this time it was real life and not some dream.
“That was the most bizarre wet dream Ive ever had” He said. He then took 6 tabs of pure MDMA and got ready for work.
“How did you sleep last night?” asked Roy Romeeno.
“God dammit Roy Romeeno, shut the fuck up you fucking piece of shit you worthless scumbag. Fuck you.” Laughed Obama.